Growing and Shrinking: Why Adaptive Leaders Change Size, Style, and Approach

Leading Through the Looking Glass

Alice grows taller, then shrinks smaller, and back again. The same rules, the same room, the same tea party—but her size changes everything: how she reaches the key, sees the table, interacts with others. Wonderland is a masterclass in adaptability, and Alice is its ultimate student.

Leadership works much the same way. Situations vary, teams differ, and challenges evolve. Yet some leaders try to maintain a single size, style, or approach as if one shape could fit all contexts. The result is friction, frustration, and missed opportunities. Adaptive leaders, in contrast, read the room, adjust their presence, and move fluidly between assertive, supportive, and observational modes.

For businesswomen navigating complex organizations, adaptability is not optional—it is a survival skill. It is the ability to step forward when clarity is needed, step back when collaboration is required, and know when a subtle shift in tone or style will unlock progress.

Why One Style Never Fits All

Leadership theories often categorize approaches—directive, coaching, democratic—but real life rarely offers a single correct mode. Teams are composed of individuals with varying levels of experience, motivation, and confidence. Markets fluctuate. Crises appear unexpectedly.

Trying to apply one style uniformly is like insisting Alice remain one size through Wonderland. It doesn’t work. She would never reach the key, fit through the door, or engage appropriately with the creatures she meets. Similarly, leaders who fail to adapt their style create misalignment. They may overwhelm, under-support, or misread signals, undermining effectiveness.

Adaptive leaders understand that leadership is situational. The goal is not consistency of behavior—it is consistency of results, achieved by flexing style to meet context.

Reading Context and Adjusting Presence

Alice’s transformations teach a simple lesson: size matters, but so does perception. How she is seen and what she can accomplish depends on context. Leaders, too, must be attuned to situational cues.

Observation is key. Listening, scanning body language, assessing team readiness, and understanding stakeholder priorities all inform the appropriate approach. When teams are stuck, stepping forward decisively can unblock progress. When energy is high and ideas are flowing, stepping back can create space for contribution.

Adaptive leaders are like Alice at the keyhole: they calibrate their presence, neither dominating nor disappearing. They modulate tone, volume, timing, and posture to fit the demands of the moment. This requires awareness and courage—leaders must resist the urge to default to their “favorite” style, even under pressure.

Psychological Flexibility as a Leadership Skill

Adaptability is not just a behavioral choice—it is a mindset. Psychological flexibility allows leaders to tolerate ambiguity, shift perspectives, and experiment with new approaches without losing coherence or confidence.

Neuroscience shows that mental flexibility enhances problem-solving, creativity, and resilience. Leaders who can pivot between styles maintain clarity under stress, reduce conflict, and model adaptability for their teams. Rigidity, in contrast, signals fear, erodes trust, and limits potential.

For women leaders, psychological flexibility is especially valuable. Leadership often requires balancing assertiveness and approachability, ambition and collaboration, decisiveness and empathy. The ability to adapt publicly without losing authority demonstrates strength rather than indecision. It is the mark of a leader who can thrive across contexts.

Practical Ways to Adjust Leadership

Adaptive leadership is learned through intention and reflection. Key strategies include:

• Assess before acting: Take a moment to observe the situation and understand what is needed. Ask, “What will help this team move forward?”
• Match style to readiness: High-performing teams may need guidance only in edge cases; newer teams may require more direction.
• Modulate presence: Consider tone, posture, and visibility. Step forward to lead decisively, step back to empower contribution.
• Reflect after action: Debrief and note what worked and what didn’t. Adaptation improves with practice.

These are not rigid rules—they are tools for reading the table, much like Alice gauges the size of a doorway before attempting passage. Adaptive leadership is iterative, context-driven, and relational.

When to Grow, When to Shrink

The essence of situational leadership is knowing when to amplify presence and when to reduce it.

• Grow: When clarity, authority, or decisive action is required. When the team is stuck, or when vision must be articulated.
• Shrink: When collaboration, creativity, or reflection is needed. When overbearing presence would stifle contribution or trust.
• Shift subtly: Small adjustments in tone, timing, or approach can be more powerful than dramatic swings.

Like Alice navigating Wonderland, the best leaders are comfortable moving between states, trusting judgment, and adjusting in real time.

Adaptive Leadership in Practice

Teams and organizations thrive when leaders act fluidly. Adaptive leaders:

• Reduce friction by matching style to context
• Encourage engagement by creating space for contribution
• Model resilience by embracing uncertainty
• Enable innovation by stepping back when exploration is needed

For businesswomen leading high-stakes teams, this adaptability demonstrates both competence and emotional intelligence. It signals awareness, responsiveness, and a commitment to outcomes rather than ego.

Alice’s lessons are clear: navigating complexity requires both self-awareness and situational awareness. Leaders who refuse to adapt risk frustration, missed opportunities, and disengaged teams. Those who learn to grow and shrink intentionally guide teams with clarity, trust, and impact.

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Conclusion: Leading Through the Looking Glass

Leadership is rarely linear or predictable. Situations shift, teams evolve, and the environment changes constantly. The most effective leaders are those who can adjust—who grow when the moment demands visibility, shrink when the moment demands empowerment, and pivot seamlessly between approaches.

Alice’s Wonderland demonstrates that survival and success depend on adaptability, not size alone. In business, results depend on the same principle. Leaders who cultivate situational awareness, psychological flexibility, and deliberate adjustment turn complexity into opportunity.

Growth and contraction, assertiveness and restraint, direction and observation—adaptive leaders know when to do each. They step forward. They step back. They lead with presence, purpose, and agility.

This is leadership through the looking glass: responsive, fluid, and ultimately, effective.

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References:

Hersey, P., Blanchard, K. H., & Johnson, D. E. (2013). Management of Organizational Behavior: Leading Human Resources. Pearson.

Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological Flexibility and Leadership. Oxford University Press.

Goleman, D. (1998). Working with Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books.

Carroll, L. (1871). Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There. Macmillan.

Bishop, Parker. Leading Through the Looking Glass: Curious Lessons in Leadership From Wonderland. Fort Lauderdale, Tin Roof Publishing, 2025

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